Where is AF?

Ugh. AF has not arrived yet and I am starting to get worried. It is unusual for me to be late. Unfortuately, I haven't had a chance to go for a beta as I just started a new job on Monday and can't risk being late. I feel AF crampy first thing in the mornings and then nothing the rest of the day.

I am going to POAS tomorrow morning but I am 99% sure it will only have one line. I am now getting concerned as to what is going on in there.

My reproductive system hates me.

IUI #5 - BFN

POAS yesterday and got a BFN at 12 dpiui. I am not surprised and did not even get upset about it. I expected it as I am feeling AF crampy.

We are going to take a cycle off to rest (which is only 24 days) and for me to settle into my new job.

I had a beer tonight and it was fabulous.

Confirmed - BFN

Had beta this morning and it was a BFN. No suprise. What REALLY pisses me off is the fact that AF arrived about 10am. Why could it not have arrived about 4-5hours earlier so I could have slept in and not been stuck with a needle? Just my luck?!

I'm not going to dwell on why I can't seem to get all my follicles to grow much less get pregnant. So, I stopped on the way home and picked up fresh pasta and sauce and a bottle of Australian Shiraz. I'm currently on my second glass of wine, DH is working tonight so it's just me and G, the dog, having a calm relaxing valentine's day.

Thanks to everyone who wished me luck this cycle, you all make this craziness bearable.

It's official - BFN

Even after I had gotten a negative HPT a few days ago, I still had not got AF.... so I started to get hopeful that the HPT was wrong. BIG mistake and a HUGE letdown. I went to RE and got BT and got the message on our voicemail last night that I'm not pregnant. I was upset and then mad that I let myself get hopeful that there was a possibility the HPT was wrong.

I still have not got AF which is starting to concern me that something is wrong. I have not had a cycle go this long since I was a teenager (and that was a long time ago). I have been dx with luteral phase defect (lpd) and high fsh, which makes for short cycles. Even with progesterone sup I only normally only go to 14 dpo and I'm already up to 16 dpo and cd30. My stomach feels gasy and I have twinges of cramps but nothing like AF cramps. I have my 'post failure consult' on Monday afternoon and if I don't see AF by then I will know something is definitely wrong.

DH was his normal fabulous self about the failed cycle. He know exactly how to just sit by me and hold my hand and let me cry (and I normally don't cry very often). This was not a good cycle for me, I felt like crap the whole time. I was rundown and felt depressed. I guess it didn't help that I couldn't produce more than 3 follies half way through and had to convert from IVF to IUI.

Where do we go from here??? My RE appointment on Monday is going to be depressing, I'm going to be told that I didn't respond well, that although my FSH was low this month my ovaries wouldn't produce more than 3 follies, etc. etc.... Nothing positive. My appt is with the 'glass half empty' RE, but he is the director of the clinic and I should be happy to get his time, but I'm not looking forward to it. This failed cycle really hit me hard, much more than the last two. DH and I discussed 'what next' and we are going to keep going and try IVF again.

I called and made an appointment with an acupuncturist/chinese herbal medicine clinic. My REs are not for or against acupuncture but told me when I started my treatment that if I thought it would help then I should do it. I have not tried it up to now, but I am going to give it six months or so to see and the Dr is highly recommended.

I have always had to work hard for everything I have ever gotten in life. I just wish this wasn't so hard.