Nothing exciting going on

I realized I had not posted anything in a while today. Nothing much is going on here. DH went to the UK for a while and left me and the dog here to fend for ourselves. Having been with DH for almost 7 years, I had forgotten what it is like to not have to run the dishwasher everyday and how neat things are without a 6'4" man around. :-)

Luckily, DH is completely healed from his surgery and feeling in peak TTC mode.

I'll post more later.... some guilty pleasures and some annoyances I have been thinking about.

2:23:24

That's right, last Sunday... I beat my goal of finishing my first half marathon in under 2hr 30min. 2:23:24... that is an average of under 11 minute per mile for over 13 miles. I am very pleased with my results and can't wait to do another one. I'm already thinking that my next goal is to come in under 2hr 15min.

Other things in my world...

1. DH had his varicocele repair surgery on Wednesday. He had more than expected veins in his testicles, his urologist (who I met for the first time after the surgery and he was very hot) said that he will be really sore, bruised and swollen for about a week. Well, let me just tell you, his testicles are outragously big and purple/black. Not pretty on my pale Englishman.
2. On Monday, I treated myself to a deep tissue body massage to work out all the knots from running and my massage therapist left bruises on my bum and back. It was sore for a day then all my muscles felt fabulous.
3. I have decided to start back with my personal trainer in addition to the continued running training.
4. BIG news... I booked a trip to go to Peru with some girlfriends the first week of November. We are going to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I can't wait.

That's all for now... I need to get some sleep as I am getting up really early to do an 8 mile run.

AF arrives and other negativity

AF arrived today almost on schedule. I'm usually a short cycle of about 21-23 days but I'm happy that last cycle went a full 24 days. I was watching the calendar as usual as we tried the old fashion way this cycle but I wasn't expecting much.

I was catching up on reading blogs today and its realized that although I have all crazy emotions and feeling of loneliness that other IFers also have these feelings. Lately, I have been very lonely and drepressed about my childless situation. My life has been very boring since I changed jobs which has not helped my situation. Everyone I work with has kids and rush home. I don't blame them but I miss working with gay men (like at my previous job), they are so much more fun. I have realized that I don't do bored well... I have been grumpy for weeks now and I'm surprised that DH has so much patience with me. Is there something wrong with me? I just feel like something really bad is about to happen.

I'm going to stop now, I've gotten myself into a dark place. Sorry for the depressing post. It's just where I'm at right now.

It's been a long time

As I was sitting down in front of the computer while I'm waiting on my decaf coffee (still off caffeine) to brew, I thought ' I have really been neglecting my blog'. So, here I am after logging on and I can't believe that it has been over a month since my last post. So much has happened, mostly a lot of folks are now pregnant. I am super happy for those folks as it has taken them so long to get there.

DH and I are still TTC but only the au naturale method, which has about .01 percent chance of working with us but hey, we are enjoying it. He has surgery scheduled for the end of July to fix some varicocele which were found during a complete check of his boy parts. After he has healed a bit, then he is going back to the UK for a few weeks to visit with his family. He has two new little nieces that he hasn't met and his nephew is now about 1.5 years old and he hasn't seen him since he was about 5 months old. His nieces have just come home from hospital as they were born at 27 weeks and as you can imagine were super tiny and not able to breathe on their own. One of them is doing well but the other is still on an oxygen tank and will need it for about a year. I would love to go over and see all my in-laws but I don't think I am going to make it over this trip.

As for me, I'm still training for the half marathon that is now only a few weeks away. I think I am ready. I have been running in almost every organized race in Central Park for the last few months. We have become addicted to running and the changes to my body are very nice. I ran 20 miles last week and all I can think of is beating that number. I am a bit competitive. DH and I are planning to do a few more half marathons this year, one is in Las Vegas in December. I can't wait for that one, it will be incredible to run down the strip.

Of course, I would put all the racing aside if I was able to successfully get pregnant. My current clinic strongly encourages you not to over exert yourself while stimming but I think my running is helping me not hurting my fertility. There are so many different opinions regarding athletic training during infertility treatment and pregnancy so I will do what is comfortable for me and hope for the best. What more can I do?! We are talking about trying another IVF cycle in September/October.

Nothing really exciting to report from here. Mostly all I do these days is work, run and sleep. I am completely bored most of the time. Hopefully, something exciting will happen soon so I'll have something interesting to post.

I'm back... kind of...

This is the longest I have been away from my blog since I first started it. Honestly, I have been avoiding it for many reasons. I have been trying to get my non-IF life back. I have spent so much of myself trying to get pregnant, I had forgotten so much of myself existed. I think everyone who has dealt with IF can relate to that statement. IF changes you.

What have I been up to?
1. Started my new job. I'm still trying to decide what I think of it after 6 weeks. The people are completely different than the last investment bank I worked at. Much older staff and just about everyone is married and has a family.
2. Lost 7 lbs. I am training for a half marathon on July 29 that runs through the streets of Manhattan. I'm up to running 5 miles every other day but I've got to increase that mileage tonight. Going up to 6 miles, and on Thursday night I'm doing interval speed training. I really want to run this race in a decent time. Unfortunately, DH didn't get selected for the race but he has promised to continue to train with me. Training has been taking up the most amount of my time lately but I am really loving it and I feel great.
3. Hanging out with friends and laughing. I feel like I have not laughed in 2 years as much as I have in the past month. There has also been some teary moments, one of my best friends, R, (previously referred to as Bridezilla) told me she was 3 weeks pregnant after only trying for a couple of months. I cried myself to sleep the night she told me. Some things come so easily to people and they don't have a clue. But overall, I have been pretty happy.
4. Having sex with DH because we want to and not because the fertility monitor tells us I might be fertile. I am not going to say too much on this subject except that it has been fabulous. ;-)

I can't think of much more that has been going on here. I am going to check out everyone's blog later tonight after my run. I know there has been some good news and some sadness. I am sorry that I have not been checking in and offering my support to everyone as these folks have been very supportive of me in the past.

AF finally arrived

AF arrived this morning but it is not a normal AF. I'm not cramping and the flow is very abnormal. I did POAS again yesterday morning and it was negative, not a surprise as I had expected as much.

I still think my reproductive system hates me and needs a bit of a break. We are taking at least one cycle off. It seems that my new company will not be as flexible with time off for procedures but I have only been there a few days so I'm still accessing the situation.

I don't have much else to write about today.

Where is AF?

Ugh. AF has not arrived yet and I am starting to get worried. It is unusual for me to be late. Unfortuately, I haven't had a chance to go for a beta as I just started a new job on Monday and can't risk being late. I feel AF crampy first thing in the mornings and then nothing the rest of the day.

I am going to POAS tomorrow morning but I am 99% sure it will only have one line. I am now getting concerned as to what is going on in there.

My reproductive system hates me.

IUI #5 - BFN

POAS yesterday and got a BFN at 12 dpiui. I am not surprised and did not even get upset about it. I expected it as I am feeling AF crampy.

We are going to take a cycle off to rest (which is only 24 days) and for me to settle into my new job.

I had a beer tonight and it was fabulous.

Changes

A few changes have happened since my last post. I am currently unemployed.... by my choice. I resigned a while back as I had an amazing offer from another banking institution which I happily accepted. I am on a week break from being employed and thought DH and I would go camping and lay low but that was not how the karma gods had it planned. DH came down with a horrible stomach flu which has lasted since Sunday night. It started with vomiting and changed exit strategies on Monday. He has not been able to keep anything in his system at all. We decided to go camping yesterday as he was feeling a bit better... bad idea. We came home this morning and he went to the dr (finally). Oh yeah and we don't have medical insurance right now since I don't start my new job until Monday.

Anyway, this is my way to venting that what was suppose to be a slow paced relaxed week off has not turned out the way I had wanted or planned. At least the weather has been spectacular.

Fingers crossed that DH's medicines will work and he will be able to keep food inside. He has lost over 5lbs since Sunday.

No news on the 2WW. No symptoms. No AF. Nothing

IUI complete - 2ww

IUI was completed yesterday morning and now we are supplimenting with the natural method.

I'm really feeling beaten and battered.

Update: no IVF

Dr called and based on the monitoring results today, they will NOT go to ER with only one viable follie.

Offically converted to IUI. Triggering tonight and going for IUI on Monday.

I am very disappointed and sad.

When is it going to be my turn?

Monitoring differences

This mornings monitoring was completely different from yesterday. The dr today said there were only two follies and the sizes were off as well. One was 23 and the other was 15.5 (smaller than yesterday?) but I know that the measurements are somewhat subjective. If todays measurements are correct I may only have one mature egg.

This sucks.

Suprise... maybe 3

I was pretty down yesterday about only 2 follies but had the entire day and night to come to terms with going to ER anyway. Well, this morning I went in for monitoring and another follie on my right went from 9 to 15.5 in one day. I was pleasantly shocked. The largest is now at 20mm on my left ovary and they want me to do stims one more day, the other follie is about 17mm. So I'm going back again tomorrow morning for b/w and u/s. Will most likely trigger tomorrow night and ER will be on Monday.

What a roller coaster ride these last couple of days have been? I'm ready to get off this ride and go to ER.

Thanks to everyone who responded to my last post and letting me know that I am not completely crazy. You all make me feel so much better.

Only 2

Yes, I will only have two mature follies by ER. Some people may think that I am crazy but I am going foward with ER and hopefully ET. I have one more day of injectible stims and I go back again tomorrow for b/w and u/s. Most likely, I will do hcg shot tomorrow night and ER on Sunday.

I did get to see my RE today as he was doing monitoring rounds at the clinic this morning. He asked if I wanted to go through with only two follicles and I said yes. He smiled and said ok.

I am obsessing that I am crazy to go through all the effort of ER with only two follies but what do I have to lose? Sure I will lose some $$ but not that much as my insurance pays for most procedures but we will still end up paying about $4k total. My problem is that I will reget not trying if I don't go through with it and convert to IUI. I don't want any regrets.

Am I crazy? Anyone ever heard of someone getting pregnant after only having 2 follies during IVF?

Almost there

I have been on injectible stims now for 6 days and hopefully when I go to clinic tomorrow morning I will get the clearance for trigger shot. I have felt fine until yesterday. I've now had a headache for 2 days and I started having left ovary pains today. Weird as I have never had either of those before. I'm going to try and do some yoga instead of doing my hour of cardio tonight.

My follie check yesterday was OK, I have 2 that are 14 and 11 and about 2-3 more that are around 9. Those other 2-3 hopefully are growing and will be mature by ER. If all goes well, I may go for ER Saturday or Sunday. If that is what the timeline is going to look like I will hopefully go for ET next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'm a bit nervous about ER/ET because I have been busy and didn't slow down my activities this cycle so it's all starting to hit me at once. I hate getting put to sleep... absolutely positively hate it.

Thanks to everyone who has been checking in on me and I apologize for not posting more often. I promise to post tomorrow and give an update.

Tired and chafed

Going to the gym every night this week has caught up with me, my body is tired. Now, it is also chafed from my work out. Unfortunately, the lining of my workout pants rubbed my upper inner thighs until it is red and irritated.

Three days of clomid down and tomorrow I get more clomid and 450 Follistim and 2 vials of menopur.

Sorry for the short post but I am off to bed......more tomorrow.

Here we go...

AF arrived yesterday and I was at clinic bright and early this morning for b/w and u/s. I have been cleared for this cycle and just took my first two clomid tablets. This is happening right now. I am taking clomid for a few days and then I add in injectibles. It is going to be interesting.

I am praying for many follies. The most I have ever produced in one cycle is 4, so my goal is 4 (more is also acceptable). I'm trying not to build up my expectations but it's hard not too.

Weirdly, I still have the remnants of two follies from a previous cycle. The dr said it was fine but I've never had that before. Why didn't it go away? And where did two come from as my last IVF attempt which converted to IUI was two cycles ago and one follie was on the left side? Hmmm. just go away and give some space up for other follies.

Ok, I have been watching the Biggest Loser while typing this post and I have been sucked in. I need a vacation to Australia.

I'm back...

I can't believe that it has been so long since I posted anything. So much as happened in blogland since my hiatus. I have been reading folks blogs but have not been leaving many comments.

Good news. All the in-laws have left town and DH and I have our apt back!! It was exhausting having folks here for so long. Now for a little rant... The aunt and uncle who stayed the longest is the ones I knew the least and well, let's just say that I know them well now. And I hope I never have to spend that much time alone with them again. Since DH worked alot of their stay, I was left alone with them all the time. They talked and talked and talked and never really said anything. And being Brits they drank about ten cups a tea a day and never used the same mug?! Ugh... how wasteful to just stick mugs in the dishwasher instead of reusing a mug? The real kicker was that they would get up in the middle of the night to pee and would not flush the toilet, disgusting as all the tea they were drinking made their pee smell really strong and made the hallway smell. Disgusting!

I'm also still working on me. I went to the spa last Friday for a massage, mani and pedi at a famous Manhattan spa. Unfortunately, I was unimpressed. It was OK, the real pain in the ass was when I was getting my pedi, a 8.5 month pregnant woman came in for her appt and sat right next to me. And then when I was getting my mani and letting my nails dry, I was asked to move so that preggie woman could have my seat even though my nails were still dry. Just freaking great, I went back to the changing room and went into the toilet area and shed a few tears. I know they had no idea that asking me to move would upset me but it didn't help with my feelings of being an inadequate woman because I can't seem to get pregnant. Anyway, it just wasn't a relaxing experience at all.

DH has been a bit stressed lately so I made an appt for him at my favorite local spa for a massage. I haven't had a massage at the local spa only facials so he is going to report back and I might schedule one for next weekend as I am scheduled to start my next IVF attempt this coming week.

And now to IF treatments. I have not really even thought of them until late last week when I realized that AF is suppose to come this weekend and I had not received my meds. My protocal is different this round and I am going to start off with clomid to recruit follies and then switch to injectibles. I made a decision to do things differently this cycle, I've been going to the acupuncturist once a week, taking my chinese herbs and doing an hour of cardio almost every day. Usually when I start stimming, I stop exercising but not this time. I'm also doing chefs diet which is going to deliver freshly made meals every morning for the next week. This will help me stabilize my blood sugar which is key to growing quality eggs. Hopefully all of this will help me grow more follies than last time and good quality.

Today was CD 24 so AF should have arrived, I am hoping it arrives soon as I want to start this cycle so that I can plan work around the time estimates of ER and ET because of the best news in the last few weeks.... I got the job I was interviewing for!!! I officially accepted last thursday and my start date is 28 April.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Break between guests

DH and I had a two day break between house guests. It was too short. Tomorrow the next set of house guests arrive and I am just wanting a few more days of peace and quiet. Am I a bad person? I promise I am not but I want to come home from work and put on my PJs and lay on the sofa sometimes during the week and I haven't been able to do that.

Today was a good day, I had a second interview at another bank and I think I will get an offer for the job in the next few days. If so, I will take it, if the money is right of course. I will need to schedule the start date after I finish my next IVF cycle but that shouldn't be an issue.

Not so good news... My BIL's wife who is pregnant with twins has been hospitalized for 2 weeks with bleeding. She is between 5 - 6 months along. They keep rushing her to delivery room and then taking her back to a room. BIL is stressed with all of the worry and also trying to take care of the 1 year old son.... And their son has started acting out as he misses his mum. It's a really tough time for them. I wish we lived closer so we could help with their son. I am hoping everything works out for the twins as they are really struggling.

I hate to end on a down note but I don't have much to write about.... besides I'm dreading the upcoming week of house guests.

A long 3 weeks

Today is the first day of three weeks of DH's family visiting. Two different sets are staying with us in our cozy 2 bed/2 bath apartment. Although our apartment is big by NYC standards, about 1,100 square feet, but when there are 5 people + a 70 lbs dog it doesn't seem so roomy. DH's aunt and uncle arrived today and their daughter arrives tomorrow. They are staying through next Tuesday.

Then we have 2 days of no visitors before another cousin and his wife arrive on Thursday. They are both our age and when DH and I lived in the UK we went out with them a few times to dinner and lots of drinks so they will be a lot of fun to have around. They leave on Easter Sunday and the aunt, uncle and cousin come back on the same day for another 3 days.

Whew!!!

I am continuing to work on me (see previous post). Last Saturday, I treated myself to a very pricey facial at a spa in my neighborhood. It was the best facial I have ever had. Even today my eye doc complimented me on how nice my skin looked. I will be going back to get another facial in about 6-8 weeks as recommended. Since I was in the pampering mood and I have 3 weeks of relatives visiting... I booked a massage, manicure and pedicure for next Friday (Good Friday). I felt I was justified in spending the extra money since I will not be able to relax at home.

I have not been doing anything IF related except my weekly acupuncture. The new acu place is really nice and I feel really comfortable with them. I expect to be ovulating over Easter weekend and we are going to do au naturalle due to missing the cut off day for trying another IVF cycle at the clinic. We are planning to do another IVF cycle starting at the end of March. Until then, I will probably not be posting much on the IF front.