Saturday, September 29, 2007

Happy birthday dad

It has been a few days since I last posted and there is nothing new to report on the TTC front. I have been staying busy with work and catching up on with some of my favorite shows during premiere week. A couple of new shows are looking very promising to hold my attention (Bionic Woman and Chuck). They take my mind off of IF for an hour or two and it helps during this horrible 2WW.

Most importantly, today is my dad's 66th birthday. Unfortunately, I didn't get his card in the mail until yesterday. I am a slacker when it comes to birthdays, dh has to remind me many many times when a family member has an upcoming birthday. Really, I should add these things into my crackberry like he does. I have no excuse...

I have a fairly busy day today, I need to pick up horrible bridesmaid's dyed shoes and dress from seamstress. Also planning to do some shopping with a friend for a dress for the rehearsal dinner. The wedding weather is not looking very promising, 60% chance of thundershowers, oh yeah did I mention that the wedding is outdoors?? DH cannot go to wedding as it is out of state and it is opening weekend for a play he is in. I'm totally jealous of him. I love my friend to bits but who makes their bridesmaids buy expensive silk dresses in orangy/red that they will only wear once and then make them dye shoes to match? All of us have to fly, rent hotel rooms, get rental cars, etc. so it is costing us fortunes to be her bridesmaids. Also, did I mention that the wedding is outside and they are not providing any ground cover under the tents for a black tie wedding?? Does it make sense to have a black tie wedding in a field anyway?? I hope she has a plan b since there is a big chance it might rain. Ugh... I'm whining but I think she is a bit inconsiderate of our costs (~ $1,200 total)... And that doesn't include a gift. Ok, I need to think happy thoughts or I will be in a sour mood for the wedding.

Off to cook breakfast for dh and run errands. More later...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Ugh... I don't understand, I feel like I am ovulating again on my left? Maybe dh and I should do our own natural insemination? I'm sure he would be ok with trying that. From everything I have researched, it is very unusual for ovulation to occur twice in one cycle. But hey, not much about my reproductive system is 'normal'.

I haven't been able to keep busy most of the day. It's unusually quiet at work at the moment, so I spent some time researching statistics on number of eggs and chances of getting PG from my number and number of inseminations. I've got to stop doing that, I'm obsessing over it. It's tough because you want something so bad that your heart aches but your body won't cooperate. You see PG women everywhere and wonder, why not me? OK, I'm stopping now.

I try to focus on the positives in this uphill battle. I have amazing insurance that covers 4 IUI, 4 IVF cycles and all meds and all I pay is a small co-pay. I have an amazing husband who offers to go to all my appts with me (although I prefer to go alone most of the time), at the slightest hint of a teary eye he gives me a hug and was happy to take his antibotics before we started what we thought was going to be our first IVF cycle. I could go on about how wonderful he is for a long time but I won't. I know he is not perfect, no one is but he is perfect for me.

I also have some great close friends. None of them have kids yet but they try to understand and always ask how I'm doing. My sister (who was only 29 at the time) had take Clomid for 2 cycles to get pregnant with my now 11 year old nephew so she somewhat understands what I'm going through. She tries but I think doesn't want to ask too many questions. My parents know about the surgeries but don't know much else about our TTC experiences. My mom was horrified to hear after my surgery that I had ENDO, she wants me to have babies and thought that was the end. I just don't think she could handle it and would definitely say the wrong thing. Hopefully, I will have good news for them as we are doing everything medically possible.

Ok, so my post is sounding kind of sad although my day was not too bad. It is unseasonably hot here at the moment and that makes me cranky but it is suppose to get cooler this weekend. Oh yeah, something I have been obsessed about for years is the Weather Channel. AND other exciting thing for the day... the new Sex and the City movie is being filmed on the street by my office (most filming is done in the middle of the night or early in the morning).

Ok, I'm off to bed now. I still feel like I am ovulating... maybe my ovaries are just mad at me? Til tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Better mood today

My mood has been much better today than yesterday. I had my favorite RE this morning for my second insemination of this IUI cycle. Dr B is a glass half full kind of guy and told me that DH's swimmers were very good even better than yesterday. He also said that I was in the process of ovulating and my CM was optimal so the timing couldn't be better. Now, I start the fun Prog suppositories and Lovenex shots in the stomach tomorrow morning.

I've kept busy today and it has kept my mind off of the grueling 2WW that I am starting. To make myself feel better, I did a little retail therapy (dh doesn't know about it yet). So to spare my Amex, I am trying to fill the next two weeks with things to do.

I'm trying to stay positive but realistic. I would also say like to say thank you to Allison and Journey to Junior who offered encouragement and sympathy (for the dyed bridesmaids shoes...yes, very 80s).

Tomorrow is another day.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Feeling blue

This morning was my first IUI insemination and hCG shot. I am not sure why but I feel lonely and sad today. Maybe because I'm coming off all the OI drugs? I even cried a few times over absolutely nothing. DH was an angel and just hugged me every time I got tears in my eyes.

My RE said that I have 2 or 3 mature follicles that will definitely produce eggs this cycle. I hope that DH's swimmers find them! I have my second insemination tomorrow morning and then the long wait begins. The next 2 weeks include Lovenox shots and Progestrone suppositories (ugh!). At least my arms get a rest from the shots. I get a bit cranky during the next two weeks watching and waiting.

My friend R is getting married on Oct 6 and I am one of the bridesmaids so I have to put on a happy face whether I feel like it or not. This is going to be a challenge given that is about two weeks away. If I start my next cycle, I am going to be very sad and depressed but if I get a BFP then I'll be so excited and will want tell my parents as they are also attending the wedding. At least it will be a distraction from my IF world and it is a child free wedding which will make it easier if I get a BFN. Ok, I am not going to think about the wedding (or the horrible dyed shoes I must wear) just yet. I need to focus on taking one day at a time.

I am definitely now ovulating, I can feel the hCG working! I am off to bed as I have an early morning insemination. Trying to stay positive.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

First Post

This is my first post ever, so be please be patient while I am getting my sea legs. My reason for starting this blog is to have an outlet for my thoughts, emotions, frustrations and hopefully joy on the long challenging road to having a baby.

This long challenging road started almost two years ago with my DH and I using the BBT method to try and start a family. I went to my GYN after being unsuccessufl and he referred me to an infertility clinic. In January 2007, I started having more tests than I ever thought was possible at my clinic. The first problem was 2 polyps in my uterus, one large and one small. Although my tubes appeared open my RE wanted to have a good look around while removing the polyps. So surgery and a D&C was scheduled for the beginning of April.

The surgery results were had both good and bad news. The polyps were removed but I also had endometriosis which extended into my tubes. My RE explained that all the endo was removed and my tubes were still open. After a few weeks of recovery, we are given green light to start our first cycle of IUI with OI.

I've never liked needles and DH has never been fond of them either, but he does a fabulous job of administering intramuscular shots every day. He only made me cry once and that was the first day when he nicked a blood vessel and didn't have the swab ready immediately after pulling the needle out of my arm. He has since mastered the art of giving shots.

Unfortunately, that IUI cycle was unsuccessful and so was the second IUI cycle. I produced four follicles the first cycle and only two the second cycle. The first cycle I only used 2 follistim once a day and the second cycle I used 3 follistim once a day.

Because of my age (36), my RE suggested that we start IVF. My health insurance pays for 4 IUI and 4 IVF cycles and my RE suggested that we save the 2 remaining IUI cycles incase we started IVF and needed to switch to IUI for any reason. It took a few months before we started IVF stimming due to a suppression cycle to give my ovaries a rest.

The first of September we started our IVF cycle with 3 Follistim twice a day and then switched to Repronex twice a day. My past experiences with IUI stimming had been very positive, the Follistim seemed to give me energy and I felt very good. This time I was completely exhausted and the antibotics and other meds upset my stomach. For some reason my ovaries didn't respond well either, I only got 3 follicles to mature! I was very upset but not much I could do about it. SO my IVF cycle got converted to an IUI cycle. Tomorrow morning is the first of our 2 inseminations. Fingers crossed.

It's very frustrating that I took twice the stimming meds and got better results using half the meds during an earlier IUI cycle. My RE said it just wasn't a good month for me that he expects to get a better response from me in future IVF cycles if we are unsuccessful this month with IUI.

I have tried to stay positive but realistic during this mad science experience that I'm going through but it is hard at times. I have a hard time seeing pregnant women, it makes me wonder if I can ever experience what they are experiencing. It seems so unfair.

My long challenging road continues...