Wednesday, October 31, 2007


So on CD 19, I am ovulating... What is going on? My cycles are usually only 24 days at most. And whoa, it is more painful than normal. Usually I get a few pains and I know what is going on but they are tolerable. This time when I got home from work, I was doubled over with very strong pains on my right side.

When I got a sonogram on CD4 of this cycle to make sure that everything was ok, I was told that I had 5 follies on my right that looked good. Could that be why it took so long to ovulate? Could that be the reason why it is so painful? Could I seriously have more than one mature follie in a cycle that was not stimulated? I had problems getting more than 2 or 3 with lots of drugs...

I had thought that the fertility monitor was wrong when it showed me at high fertility for the last 5 days. But then on Monday my CV started getting optimal, so I thought, wow, could this really be ovulation this late? I thought I had either not O'ed or just couldn't detect the good CM due to all the BDing we've been doing while TTC naturally this month. I never thought it would occur this late. My acupuncturist said it is better that O took longer this month, she says that I am growing a better quality egg if it takes this long. I hope she is right.

I am not only having O pains but I stupidly got a flu shot at work this morning and of course now I have a low grade fever and feeling achy all over. It has been so long since I got a flu shot that I forgot how it would make me feel.

With all of the above happening, I missed the Halloween parade. Ugh. I am not going to feel like going for a run tomorrow morning. I had just started running again since before the last stimming cycle because the drugs made me exhausted. Ugh. I'm going to stay positive as it is really good news that I am finally ovulating.

I try to see the glass half full.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Not much

I have not been good about posting lately. Since we are trying naturally this cycle all I am doing is using clearblue easy monitor. My O has yet to show up this cycle but my levels have been high for the last 2 days. My acupuncturist said that hopefully I am growing a good quality egg and this is why I haven't O'ed yet. Me... good quality egg... I can hope.

Nothing exciting happening in NYC at the moment. I'm hoping that everyone is staying safe in CA!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Ahhh Friday

I love Fridays... knowing that I do not have to work again for 2 full days is such a relaxing thought. Work has been extremely busy and exhausting the last few days and I have been so looking forward to the weekend.

I've had 2 acupuncture appts so far. My first appt was a combination of consultation and treatment, she went over a copy of my medical file that I took and got a brief history. She had some interesting theories about my current drug treatment and response. Basically, the more drugs they have prescribed, the poorer I respond. She said that her patients with high FSH and high E2 perform better with less drugs. She also suggested that I try a clinic that a lot of her other patients use and I was a bit apprehensive about that but of course I went straight home and did some research on it. I was shocked when I read about the clinic. It is the top IVF clinic in the country and its director was part of the team which performed the first successful IVF in the US in 1981. Hmmm... I like my current RE and clinic but I'm thinking of changing, why not have the best chance possible? I need all the help I can get! So because of my acupuncturist's knowledge of IVF clinics and her previous experience, I am hopeful that her treatments can also compliment my traditional treatments.

The acupuncture needles don't bother me much, I just lay there and she puts them in my tummy (over uterus and ovaries), lower legs, feet and three in my right ear. Then she hooks up an electric current to a few of the needles on my tummy and gently shocks me for 30 min. It sounds strange, but I have fallen asleep both times.

Although I have never been a fan of country music, but the Dixie Chicks are an exception. Are they really country?? I don't think so. I recently ran across an interview with 2 of them talking about their IF struggles ( Both conceived through IVF and wrote a song on 'Taking The Long Way' CD called "So Hard" about it. It is definitely worth a listen if you haven't already.

I'm waiting to ovulate, which should occur this weekend. We are trying au naturale this cycle. I'm planning to be in my RE's office on day 3 of my next cycle to see if it might be good for an IVF attempt. If not, then we are going to try natural IUI, no meds as I have been ovulating on my own recently.

Ahhh... did I mention that I am so glad it is the weekend!

Monday, October 15, 2007


So the RE visit went as expected. I was a poor responder to the meds and my egg quality is questionable. He mentioned using an egg donor if things don't get better. DH and I discussed it and we are not ready to go there yet. Honestly, I am not ready to stop fighting for my own eggs yet. I also got a copy of my medical tests and surgery records for my acupuncture appt tomorrow and looked at my FSH levels over the past year and they were all over the place. Coming off of BCP supression before trying IVF it was 4.1 which is not bad but I noticed that in July it was only 6.5 (without any help). Previously it has never been under 10 and one month it was 18, but besides that month it was consistantly between 12 and 14.

The irony of the entire appt was that when I told him I had been feeling really bloated and uncomfortable he did a quick sonogram to make sure everything was ok. My left ovary had no follies at all but my right has the beginnings of 5 nice looking follies and I'm not on any drugs. My RE said my ovaries looked very good, but I couldn't get past the 5 follies as I never have that many at once.

We are going to start again with my next cycle with another try at IVF. He is starting me on BioEndurance supplements to try and improve the quality of my eggs. I am also starting acupuncture tomorrow, any other homepathy remedies I can do to help my chances, I'm trying (within reason -- no snake venom or dead chickens).

Trying to stay positive but it is REALLY hard. I see babies everywhere...

My ovaries are angry

To start my weekend, AF arrived late on Friday. It has been very heavy so I had very little energy all weekend (napping has become my favorite hobby). I have also been very bloated and stomach seems swollen. I think my ovaries are pissed off because of the work they have been doing.

DH and I are taking this cycle off of drugs to let my body/ovaries rest but considering how short my cycles typically are, that is only 3 1/2 weeks. We will still be using the Clearblue Easy ovulation monitor and trying naturally but that is a long shot given our history.

Our RE appt is this afternoon to discuss our failure last cycle. I am not looking forward to it but it is necessary. I'm guessing they are going to change my drug cocktail next time around and probably skip the bcp as my ovaries were too slow after that.

Will post the results of my RE visit later today.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's official - BFN

Even after I had gotten a negative HPT a few days ago, I still had not got AF.... so I started to get hopeful that the HPT was wrong. BIG mistake and a HUGE letdown. I went to RE and got BT and got the message on our voicemail last night that I'm not pregnant. I was upset and then mad that I let myself get hopeful that there was a possibility the HPT was wrong.

I still have not got AF which is starting to concern me that something is wrong. I have not had a cycle go this long since I was a teenager (and that was a long time ago). I have been dx with luteral phase defect (lpd) and high fsh, which makes for short cycles. Even with progesterone sup I only normally only go to 14 dpo and I'm already up to 16 dpo and cd30. My stomach feels gasy and I have twinges of cramps but nothing like AF cramps. I have my 'post failure consult' on Monday afternoon and if I don't see AF by then I will know something is definitely wrong.

DH was his normal fabulous self about the failed cycle. He know exactly how to just sit by me and hold my hand and let me cry (and I normally don't cry very often). This was not a good cycle for me, I felt like crap the whole time. I was rundown and felt depressed. I guess it didn't help that I couldn't produce more than 3 follies half way through and had to convert from IVF to IUI.

Where do we go from here??? My RE appointment on Monday is going to be depressing, I'm going to be told that I didn't respond well, that although my FSH was low this month my ovaries wouldn't produce more than 3 follies, etc. etc.... Nothing positive. My appt is with the 'glass half empty' RE, but he is the director of the clinic and I should be happy to get his time, but I'm not looking forward to it. This failed cycle really hit me hard, much more than the last two. DH and I discussed 'what next' and we are going to keep going and try IVF again.

I called and made an appointment with an acupuncturist/chinese herbal medicine clinic. My REs are not for or against acupuncture but told me when I started my treatment that if I thought it would help then I should do it. I have not tried it up to now, but I am going to give it six months or so to see and the Dr is highly recommended.

I have always had to work hard for everything I have ever gotten in life. I just wish this wasn't so hard.

Monday, October 8, 2007


Well, it has been almost a week since I last posted anything. It was a busy week and weekend, I was out of town being a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding over the weekend. Don't you just hate it when you are at a wedding and people ask "do you have children?", "I heard you are trying to have a baby, just wait til you see what it does to your body?", "it's getting about time that you start a family, isn't it?" or my favorite.... "my husband just looked at me and we got pregnant".

To top off the weekend, the bride's mothers dog bit me. I'm a dog person and had even played with the dog (which is about 65lbs) the night before, but he got freaked out with having 50+ people in his house and bit me on the thigh. I called my RE today and he wants me to get a tetanus shot. Great...another shot!

I took a HPT yesterday and got a BFN. I still haven't gotten AF which is getting late for me as I usually only have 24 day cycles. Since I didn't trigger until CD13, I will probably get AF tomorrow or Wednesday. But tomorrow is bloodtest to tell me that I've had another failed attempt to have a baby. I haven't slowed down enough this cycle to get emotional but I'm sure I will be tomorrow. I am giving strict instructions to the nurse to call my home with results. I'm 99.9% sure that it will be negative but I know when I hear it from the nurse that it is final and I'll get upset.

Best I can hope for is that my next cycle I'll produce enough eggs to go through ER. I wish I knew what could make my body produce a lot of eggs. Any suggestions??

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


So feeling a bit weird in my tummy, probably just AF symptoms but its hard to tell this early. I am obsessing but can't help it but I'm trying to stay positive (not successfully). Ugh, the 2WW is the worse part of IF.

A little rant....... Sometimes I get angry and frustrated about this whole process. All the drugs, needles, appointments, probing into our sex lives, etc... why can't this be easier? I've been healthy all my life and the fact that now my reproductive system is having a hard time producing a few good eggs is hard to handle at times. I don't feel 36, almost 37, shouldn't that count for something? Sometimes I feel like I am being punished for having a career and seeing the world before a trying to start a family.

Going to try and be positive tomorrow because not feeling that way today.

Monday, October 1, 2007


Today is only 6 DPIUI! I was very good at staying busy this past weekend and keeping my mind off the 2WW. Now I am back to my regular schedule and have time to think about whether I'm pregnant or not. I am trying not to think about testing because I will drive myself insane.

I have no symptoms at all... I know, I know... its really early. My usual cycles are only 23-24 days total (dx with LPD) and today is CD 20, in previous IUI attempts I started feeling AF symptoms around CD 21/22. Even though I get AF symptoms around that time, when I'm using progestrone suppositories they extend my LP until around CD 26/27. The next couple of days could give me some sort of indication, although I have never ever been pregnant so who knows how my body might respond.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up but anyone who has gone through this madness knows that it is impossible not to. Ugh.. the next couple of days will be a challenge.

The Lovenox shots I am currently getting everyday are causing huge bruises on my tummy. I showed my friend, K and she was completely shocked at how colourful I was. K is also a bridesmaid in the wedding I'm participating in over the weekend and said she would help me hide from the other girls while we are getting ready. I don't want them to ask questions about the bruises. Anyone have any tips for reducing large dark purple injection site bruising?

Tomorrow is very near and I must get some rest.