Sunday, July 20, 2008

AF arrives and other negativity

AF arrived today almost on schedule. I'm usually a short cycle of about 21-23 days but I'm happy that last cycle went a full 24 days. I was watching the calendar as usual as we tried the old fashion way this cycle but I wasn't expecting much.

I was catching up on reading blogs today and its realized that although I have all crazy emotions and feeling of loneliness that other IFers also have these feelings. Lately, I have been very lonely and drepressed about my childless situation. My life has been very boring since I changed jobs which has not helped my situation. Everyone I work with has kids and rush home. I don't blame them but I miss working with gay men (like at my previous job), they are so much more fun. I have realized that I don't do bored well... I have been grumpy for weeks now and I'm surprised that DH has so much patience with me. Is there something wrong with me? I just feel like something really bad is about to happen.

I'm going to stop now, I've gotten myself into a dark place. Sorry for the depressing post. It's just where I'm at right now.


journey to junior said...

i am so sorry you are in such a dark place. i've been there. and it is horrible.

i truly hope nothing bad is about to happen. hopefully it is a culmination of all of what you are feeling.

big hugs.

nancy said...

hey. just checking in on you. I have a flashlight if you are still in your dark place. You don't have to come out, but maybe just play with the light until the batteries run out?