Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's official - BFN

Even after I had gotten a negative HPT a few days ago, I still had not got AF.... so I started to get hopeful that the HPT was wrong. BIG mistake and a HUGE letdown. I went to RE and got BT and got the message on our voicemail last night that I'm not pregnant. I was upset and then mad that I let myself get hopeful that there was a possibility the HPT was wrong.

I still have not got AF which is starting to concern me that something is wrong. I have not had a cycle go this long since I was a teenager (and that was a long time ago). I have been dx with luteral phase defect (lpd) and high fsh, which makes for short cycles. Even with progesterone sup I only normally only go to 14 dpo and I'm already up to 16 dpo and cd30. My stomach feels gasy and I have twinges of cramps but nothing like AF cramps. I have my 'post failure consult' on Monday afternoon and if I don't see AF by then I will know something is definitely wrong.

DH was his normal fabulous self about the failed cycle. He know exactly how to just sit by me and hold my hand and let me cry (and I normally don't cry very often). This was not a good cycle for me, I felt like crap the whole time. I was rundown and felt depressed. I guess it didn't help that I couldn't produce more than 3 follies half way through and had to convert from IVF to IUI.

Where do we go from here??? My RE appointment on Monday is going to be depressing, I'm going to be told that I didn't respond well, that although my FSH was low this month my ovaries wouldn't produce more than 3 follies, etc. etc.... Nothing positive. My appt is with the 'glass half empty' RE, but he is the director of the clinic and I should be happy to get his time, but I'm not looking forward to it. This failed cycle really hit me hard, much more than the last two. DH and I discussed 'what next' and we are going to keep going and try IVF again.

I called and made an appointment with an acupuncturist/chinese herbal medicine clinic. My REs are not for or against acupuncture but told me when I started my treatment that if I thought it would help then I should do it. I have not tried it up to now, but I am going to give it six months or so to see and the Dr is highly recommended.

I have always had to work hard for everything I have ever gotten in life. I just wish this wasn't so hard.

3 comments:

journey to junior said...

swim, i'm literally in the same position as you, and i had a good (but hard) conversation with my RE about our failed cycle. it is detailed on my blog. maybe it will give you a taste of what your RE will say to you.

((hugs))

Katarina Jelly Beana said...

So sorry. Try to take care of yourself.

Egged Out said...

Sorry for your bfn. Af takes a long time for me as well after using progesterone. Once it took 10 days after my beta (negative) and I took a hpt everyday convincing myself that the blood test must be wrong. Now I just accept that there will be a week of Plimbo (Period limbo) after each cycle.

Yes - add me to your blog roll and I'll add you. Good luck on your acupuncture appointment. They probably won't offer you snake venom but there will be some interesting options. I've decided, for now, to not take any of the herbs they gave me.