Converting to IUI

I went in for my b/w and u/s this morning and was ready to see two follies growing strong. I was not surprised with the results. My measurements were:
Right - 1 @17mm, 1 @11mm and 2 @9mm
Left - 1 @ 21mm, 2 @11mm and 1 @ 9mm

My RE called me at work this afternoon and we discussed (very discreetly in an open office) my results and options. He said he would support my decision to go forward with IVF but that my chances were the same with IUI and IVF with 2 dominant follies.

So, I am triggering tonight with insemination on Thursday. I think I am taking 1/2 Thursday and Friday off work.

I've made peace with the decision to convert to IUI and will be hopeful that dh's little swimmers will meet my eggs. I know my chances for success this cycle, but I'm still going to hope.

In limbo

This morning for monitoring, my RE was doing u/s rounds and I was happy to see him. I could see on his face a bit of disappointment that my ovaries had not performed better this cycle. He wants to give the meds yet another day. My current measurements are:
Right - 1 @15mm and 3 @9mm
Left - 1 @ 17mm and 3 @ 9mm
He said the little ones still could start growing but after tomorrow if they show no growth it would be too late. If they show no growth, then we'll convert this cycle to IUI.

My RE's office called and I'm still on the same dosage of meds tonight. They are really hoping that my ovaries will produce a few more follies.

I'm not as sad and disappointed as I was yesterday. I cried off and on all day yesterday, not sobbing but just the occassional tears. If anyone knew me in non-blog world, they would be very surprised to see me like that. IF has changed me deep down to my core and I'm having a hard time being my old carefree self. I miss that person.

Maybe cancelled

I still only have 2 follies growing, one is about 14mm and the other is about 15mm. They are keeping me on same meds dosage as yesterday and I go back for b/w and u/s again tomorrow before the sun rises. If results are still consistant with todays results then I will not go to retrieval.

This sucks.

I guess we will just convert to IUI but I'm not very hopeful.

Why is this cycle so bad on a protocol that is designed for poor responders? What is so different about this cycle? Is it something I did or didn't do?

DH doesn't know what to do as I have been very upset today. I had such high hopes for this cycle and they are now crushed. I will know for sure tomorrow morning which I am sure will ruin my day.

I feel so alone.

Day 7 meds

Went to clinic this morning to get b/w and u/s. My E2 levels were only 118 at the last draw and for me that is low. I'm not sure what that means except that my follies are growing very slowly. I was very nervous about the u/s. I am terrified that this cycle will get cancelled or converted to an IUI.

The u/s showed my right ovary has 1 follie at 12mm and 3-4<10mm and on the left 1 follie was 13mm and 3-4 <10mm. The dr doing the u/s was hopeful that some of the others would catch up with the two already measurable. Suprisingly I did not get upset, I'm hoping estrogen protocol will works its magic and syncronize the other follies growth. Fingers crossed it does what it is suppose to do. Weird this is the slowest my follies have ever grown. Does that mean the eggs will be of better quality?

Good news is that I get to go back for an u/s everyday now.... I am a scanwhore.... I want to know exactly what is going on in there. Also, I am still on 450IU Follistim, 150 Menopur and now Ganirelix was added. I'm strung out on hormones and bloated

I went out to dinner with two of my closest girlfriends tonight. K and R (formally known as bridezilla) and R announced that she and her new husband are 'officially' going to start trying to get pregnant. I wish them luck but I may have to leave the city if she gets pregnant before me. Please, please let this cycle work for us!!

Day 5 of shots

My clinic and b/w appointment this morning was uneventful. I am staying on the same dosage of drugs for the next 2 days and then FINALLY have an ultrasound and more b/w. I am going crazy not knowing how many follies I have growing.

Unfortunately work has been so busy and I got home really late so I missed the call from the clinic. Now I don't even know what my levels were this morning. I am assumming that my levels were probably not so good or they would have lowered me from max dose.

I'm going negative about this cycle already and I don't like it. I also went a little crazy on dh tonight, nothing major just a little hissy fit. After about 10 min we laughed about it. Gotta love stim drugs.

I'm getting frustrated without knowing how my follies are progressing.

Day 4 of shots

No real crazy moments in this hormonal haze yet. I feel like a time bomb about to explode, but I think that is mostly due to the fact that I am so bloated I feel as though I swish when I walk. I am going in for blood work tomorrow morning to check my FSH and E2 levels. I am getting concerned that I don't have enough follies growing or that I have one huge lead follie. Here goes the emotional roller coaster...

Apologies, I have not been commenting on many blogs lately but I have been keeping up with everyone.

Oh and my dog has the worse gas ever. It's amazing the smells that can come out of a 70lbs dog. Ugh.

wow.. this post sucks.

CD2

My monitoring went very well this (Sunday) morning. My antral follie count is very good, I have 5-6 on my right and 4-5 on my left. That is at least double what I started with on my last IVF cycle. I know that its not likely all will be recruited for mature follies but I can dream.

Even better news.... My FSH is at an all time low, 3.7.... I cannot believe it! My E2 was 43 but that was because of the Estrogen patches. So we started stimming drugs. I'm maxed out on 450 IU of Follistim and 150 IU of Menopur. My old RE made me take all my stim drugs in my arm as an intramuscular injection and that sucked. Luckily, my new RE ordered the Follistim pen and the Menopur is also a subcutaneous injection, this makes the shots so much easier.

Finally, DH is feeling better after all his illnesses. He rested most of the day today and has finally got his appetite back.

I'm so glad I have the day off work tomorrow because I didn't do anything today except sleep. It was very nice.

AF arrived early

So, I think my reproductive system is pissed off at me. Last cycle was only 16 days and I believe that was because previous cycle was an IVF cycle. But this cycle was only 21 days and that is even short for me, according to my CBE monitor and O pains, I ovulated on CD 11. So my LP was only 10 days, which is concerning although I had an ultrasound mid-cycle that didn't show any polyps. Yes, I know I have LPD, but come on ... 21 days sucks.

Going in for day 2 monitoring tomorrow morning. Glad to start monitoring on a Sunday since this is a new clinic and I won't have to rush off to work immediately afterwards, I can take my time with nurse and drill her with questions. I'm hoping for a good antral follicle count this cycle. I would be happy with 6 - 8, but I would be over the moon with more than 8. See I am a poor responder but I'm hoping the estrogen will help with follicle recruitment this cycle. My RE is optimistic that I am still producing quality eggs and that in my last cycle my eggs were over cooked. Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on past cycles.

I am going to make sure that I get plenty of sleep and lots of protein this cycle. Unfortunately dh has been sick all last week with this cold/flu thing that has been going around. And now, he was up all last night with a stomach virus. I don't think it was anything he ate because I ate the same thing and I feel fine. He is still miserable and is having a hard time getting comfortable which is making it hard to get some sleep as he got none last night.

Ok, I'm off to get dh some tylenol pm to help him sleep and get some food for the long weekend as it is going to be very very cold (I've already checked weather.com twice this morning). I'm hoping to jazz up my blog this weekend with some photos and other fun stuff. With dh sick, I have no one to play with but the dog and he is very old and sleeps most of the day.

Guilty Pleasures

I didn't want to post anything about IF today so I decided to post about my guilty pleasures... Everyone has some.

1. weather.com - can't help but check it 20 times a day to find out what is going on in the outside world

2. compressed gas duster - I'm obsessed with keeping my keyboard clean. This also goes along with an obsession I have with office supply stores

3. rice krispy treats - I could eat them all day every day. Even the snack trolley at work stops by my desk everyday when they have them. I have paid $5 for one, hey it's Manhattan.

4. shoes - can't get enough of them and have way more than can fit in my closets

5. grocery store - DH and I love to go to the grocery store and we are aisle walkers. Both our mothers took us when we were kids so I think grocery shopping started early in our lives.

6. Gene Simmons on celebrity apprentice - I have no excuses. He is suck a freakish character it is laughable.

7. photos - Love old family photos and could spend ours looking through them. The older the better.

8. looking inside people's residences - I'm no peeping tom... I like to look at the real estate section of nytimes online and look inside people's houses. If someone leaves their drapes open and I'm walking by, I'll take a peek at how they have decorated. I almost went to graduate school for architecture but changed my mind and went to a different grad school, but the fascination with architecture and design has not left.

9. having my hair brushed by someone - It's so relaxing and DH will brush my hair if he wants to watch something on TV that he knows I'm not interested in. We compromise and he brushes or combs my hair and watches his european football or depressing movies and I fall asleep.

10. chocolate - in any form...

So what are your guilty pleasures?

Here we go....

All aboard... The crazy train has just pulled into the station and my ticket has just been validated. I started my estrogen patches this morning and changing every two days until AF arrives. Tomorrow starts 3 days of ganirelix. DH is in a holding pattern waiting to see if the estrogen makes me crazy or not.

He had a preview of crazy this morning.... I went off on him this morning as he was driving me to my IVF class. I had asked him a few weeks ago to check into seeing a urologist just to get more tests and opinions on his sperm. His sperm motility rate is a little below normal. It's not devastating but we agreed that he could have some more tests done and maybe there would be something he could do to get the best semen specimen possible. And.... I asked this morning if he had found a dr yet.... NO.... I sat quietly in the car for a few minutes and then thought about all the tests, bloodwork and u/s I have had and it pissed me off that he was scared to go to the 'dick doc' as he called it. I told him (loudly) to stop whining about not understanding our healthcare system and stop whining about having to go to the 'dick doc'. While I was in my class, I got an email from him that he had called his GP and got a recommendation for a dr. Now how hard was that? He is going to call for an appointment tomorrow.

Seriously, why are guys so uptight about getting their penis examined?

No matter how silly he is sometimes, I love him.

Mondays?!

Mondays?! It's my least favorite day of the week (unless it is a holiday). Thank you MLK Jr for next Monday. I had completely forgotten that we have a 3 day weekend coming up. I went to schedule a meeting with some guys in Switzerland and a Brit reminded me that it was a holiday. How silly did I feel? I got over it quickly.

Tomorrow is the first estrogen patch to build up for the next IVF CD1, which is expected in the next 8 to 10 days. I'm not looking forward to the shots but I am ready to get our 2nd IVF started. I got all my drugs for this cycle on Saturday, except my dr didn't call in any P4 suppositories. I'll need to ask the nurse tomorrow. I'm going to be stimming with follistim and menopur (never used before) and I'm hoping this is a good stim drug cocktail for me. I'm aiming to outperform my last IVF attempt in which I produced 4 good sized follies but only got 2 eggs at retrieval.

DH and I had a restful weekend and on Sunday his aunt and uncle came into NY harbour on the maiden voyage of the Queen Victoria. It was very cool as all three of the British Queens were in the harbour, Queen Victoria, Queen Elizabeth II and Queen Mary II. His aunt and uncle are cruising around the world and not getting back at West Hampton port until late April. I am totally jealous, DH and I have decided that when our future children are out of college we are going to take trips like this. We may be 90 years old but it will still be a fabulous trip. Anyway, we took them out to brunch at Tribeca Grill (owned by Robert De Niro) and it was great. I really like that place. Worth going if anyone is coming to NYC.

Restaurants... I love to eat good food and there are SO many great places to eat in NYC. Some of my favorites at the moment (in no particular order):
Aspen
Bouley
Marseille
Butter
Amalia
Fig and Olive
Paradou
Applewood
Noodle Pudding

Ok, I have not done anything productive tonight except update this blog. I haven't even unloaded the dishwasher. BAD

Bad blogger

Ok, I have been a bad blogger. I have no excuses, only laziness, for not updating my blog.

Since I ovulated yesterday, I will start my estrogen patches next Tuesday and Ganirelix on Wednesday. Right on time for possible retrieval by end of month. That is just around the corner. Since my cycles are short things happen fast. I'm concerned about how crazy I am going to be on the estrogen patches. I took estrogen back when I was in my early twenties because my gyn thought it would stop my midcycle spotting. The estrogen made me a crazy person.... Well, I've warned DH that I'm getting on the crazy train (I love ozzy references) and he just laughed. I didn't expect to get a laugh out of him but oh well. He's has been incredible through all this hormonal crazy mess.

My new clinic is going to start me stimming on CD2, which is going to make for a messy ultrasound on that day. Ugh. I also have to go to a class for a few hours next Tuesday from 9:30 to 11:30. I don't know what is going to take 2 hours? They said I could not skip it as I needed to know where to sign in for B/W and ultrasound on day two. But seriously, does that really take 2 hours? I know that I'm just being dramatic but I am not one of those Upper East side rich wives who does not have to work. I work with all men who have no idea that I am doing IVF or even ttc. What is worse, if they knew, legally they could not let me go, but I would not get the same high profile work assignments that I am currently getting. I don't care what anyone says, they do not treat the sexes equally in the work place. Anyway, I'm going to get creative with my excuse for missing work on Tuesday morning.

Work... I am just not into it at the moment. I find it really hard to get out of bed and drag myself into the office. With all the layoffs that happened last year there is no one from my group that works in the NYC office, only one guy and he works mainly in our CT office. I'm going to start looking else where in the firm for another position after bonuses are paid in Feb. I can't wait to move onto somthing else but I cannot change firms at the moment as I'd give up my maternity leave of 3 months full pay.

Ok, I must go and do some yoga and then eat. DH is cooking chicken korma, yummy.

New DR new hope

Happy new year to everyone! I hope everyone's new year is starting off positive.

Went for my first Dr appt with my new RE, DH and I are feeling really positive after the visit. After reviewing all my medical records and stimulation reports and x-rays, etc. He did a sonogram to take a look at my follies and do a basic check of how things look inside. Good news is that he was suprised to see about 13 antral follies. He said that is much better than he expected based on the results of my past stimulation reports.

He was very positive and said that there is no reason to talk about using donor eggs as he doesn't feel like there is a reason to consider that at this point. That is the best news I've had all year... It is only the 4th day... ;-)

He said he feels a different protocol will give me better results. The clinic has had success with using Estrogen starting at the end of the cycle before starting to stim for IVF. They have used this on folks who have previously responded poorly to stim protocols. What happens is that the Estrogen keeps the FSH low at the beginning of the new cycle so that when the stim drugs are started more follies are recruited to grow and produce eggs.

He had an interesting opinion on why I only got two eggs out of my last IVF attempt when I had 4 good sized follies. With the follies so big for so many days, he thinks they were over matured and thus resulted in poor quality eggs when they were finally retrieved and that resulted in the poor quality embryo. When I told him that my previous RE stated that they will not go to ER without patient being on stims for at least 10 days, he thought that was silly as every patient is different and they shouldn't have a hard rule for everyone on time of trigger.

We were very pleased after our visit although I am going back on Monday for a few other tests. He wants to make sure that he knows the best spot to place an embryo in my uterus and he wants to double check that I don't have a small polyp as that could delay my IVF cycle start.

I'm feeling positive for the new year.